Well, just like clockwork – winter in North Dakota is here. The season when our vehicles refuse to start, our eyelashes and sinus infections freeze, and every step outside becomes a frightening journey on nature’s slip-and-slide. Forget risky things like high-speed car chases or skiing off a jagged mountain top that only a helicopter can fly you to. The real drama is watching folks navigate icy parking lots right here on the North Dakota prairie!
It’s always so fun this time of year. Watching males and females alike shuffle across the frozen tundra of the local grocery store parking lot, doing the “North Dakota Shuffle.” Adorable, really, like emperor penguins waddling across the icy plains of Antarctica, each person desperately trying to reach the driver’s seat without sacrificing their dignity — or their hips.
The North Dakota Shuffle isn’t just a way to move; it’s a whole vibe. And let me tell you, it’s high time we made it a thing. Our thing! New Yorkers get all the praise for starting trends. It’s our turn and this can be our claim to a more modern fame!
You start small, shuffling forward with baby steps, your arms stretched out like an uncoordinated gymnast. Shoulders tense, eyes wide, you’re laser-focused on the nearest patch of dry pavement. But why stop there? Add some flair! Toss in a shoulder roll, a hair flip, maybe even a finger snap. If you’re feeling especially bold, break out into a full-on interpretive dance. I prefer to but I’m not shy like that.
Imagine this: You step onto the ice, hit the “waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle slide,” then throw your arms out like you’re auditioning for Dancing with the Stars: Frostbite Edition. Not only does it help you stay balanced, but it also lets you proclaim, “Yes, I live in a frozen wasteland, but look at me! I am thriving while I’m jiving!”
Just a few things to remember: Shoe choices matter. Ladies, put away the high heels unless you’re filming a viral video where you likely end up in St. Alexis, Sanford or Altru’s ER at the end. Opt instead for boots with enough grip to make Spider-Man jealous.
Use your arms as balancing sticks. Flailing them wildly might look undignified, but it could save your behind. Literally.
Protect the hips at all costs! A hip replacement is not the winter, titanium accessory anyone wants. Guard your hips like an NDSU or UND quarterback in the playoffs.
Don’t skip the shuffle. It’s like an insurance policy against bruises or broken bones. Overconfidence is your enemy. The second you strut instead of shuffle, gravity will remind you who’s boss. Ask me and my butt. They know!
So, why not turn this winter necessity into a cultural phenomenon? Give this column to your teenagers. Tell them to Tiktok or YouTube the heck out of this! Let’s make the North Dakota Shuffle the newest dance craze and viral sensation! We can all sing this as we do our shuffling thing!
“Waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle slide ——
Use your arms to balance your stride.
Protect your hips — we don’t need that trouble…
As we waddle along doin’ the North Dakota Shuffle!” The thing about winter is – it doesn’t care if you’re graceful, stylish, or running late for work. It’s going to toss some icy ice under your feet and see what happens no matter age, race, religion, or political affiliation. But the North Dakota Shuffle isn’t just about avoiding broken bones; it’s about embracing the absurdity of it all. It’s about letting loose and feeling free to be! Life’s too short to take yourself seriously, especially when you’re wearing thermal underwear.
So next time you hit a patch of ice, don’t panic. Smile, strike a pose, and shuffle like the star you are. And if you end up on your backside? Well, at least you’ll have a great story to share over hot cocoa and an anti-inflammatory! When I fall-I stay on the ground to look around. If there’s an audience – I make ballerina hands above my head and declare, “I totally fell on purpose!” It takes the sting out of things (if you know what I mean!)
Stay safe, stay upright, and shuffle on, North Dakota. Shuffle on.
