We wake up alive fresh out of our mother’s womb and what equates into what feels like less than two blinks we are seated at our 40-year high school reunion. I did all of the things like watch my diet and work out a little more two weeks prior to meeting these people I graduated with. (Because surely, the cute boy I had my eye on at fifteen years young would notice me if I did.) Is two weeks long enough to get skinny enough?
We were to meet at 7 p.m. to socialize for a bit. I walked in alone but knew my long time friends would show up shortly. Uffda! That girdle was tight! I hoped nobody would notice that the girdle (which boasted on the package that I could shrink two sizes) was making it hard to take a deep breath? Without it – my jumpsuit I ordered just for the occasion wouldn’t even begin to fit! I wore a one-piece, navy blue, ruffled, off-the-shoulder number that zipped all the way down.
I immediately noticed faces that looked familiar! Oops! They aren’t from my class! That was my friend’s oldest sister. Everyone else at the venue were mostly men way older than me.
Wait! Why is this stranger hugging me? Holy cow! That’s no stranger! I was in English with him. “Hi You,” I enthusiastically shrieked! Saying, “Hi You,” saves me every time! I knew the face but not the name. By the grace of God another man – large in stature arrived and greeted the You standing next to me.
Phew! Robert! Yes! That was his name back then! I felt saved by the large man! Robert greeted him just as that man reached his arms out to hug me. What on earth was happening? After he let go of me he said, “You don’t remember me – do you?” I stared into his face secretly praying some discernable feature would help me. Nothing. NADA. Zilch.
He told me who he was and I kind of remembered his name but I didn’t remember him enough for him wanting to hug me like that. I giggled. He started sharing memories, then Robert did too. Pretty soon more people congregated.
By now, the reunion hostess was leading everyone to put on name tags. I already had one. First name, maiden name and married name. It was like an immediate weight had lifted! I knew that everybody was a blue and white name tag was at least from my class and I could cheat by reading their names. If only I could take this girdle off then maybe I’d have more oxygen going to my cells making it possible to go out on the dance floor!
I hadn’t heard that song since 1984! I loved it 40 years ago and I loved it this night! I danced. I danced a lot. Why are we all so wet? I never got wet dancing when I was in high school? Oh menopause! We all have menopause causing puddles to pond on the facial hair we’ve grown. Oh stop!
It happens to everyone! Then we learned that the venue had lost their air conditioning. It wasn’t our hormones at all! Hallelujah! But Hades itself couldn’t hold a candle to how hot it was! So, after a few more dances, a whole lot of, “I remember you” hugs and laughter louder than the DJ – we escaped to the outdoor street dance. Ahhh! Cool at last.
One problem. I had to tinkle. It didn’t dawn on me until I was locked inside the bathroom. My zipper to my navy blue, one-piece jumpsuit was in the back. I peeked through the door and saw a woman washing her hands at the sink. I could see she was wearing a blue and white name tag so I knew she was part of my clan.
It wasn’t until she had unzipped me almost all the way down when I froze in petrification! My girdle went from the bottom of my knees to the top of my torso and now she knew my secret. Oh well! There is a very good chance I won’t be alive to go to my 50 year reunion so what a fun way to make a memory they can talk about behind my back.
What a beautiful group of aging Gen Xers we are! Once foolish teenagers – look at us now! We’re adulting just like our parents and grandparents! I left the restroom to go back to the street dance where every single person appeared to be 10 years old but only because somehow I grew to be 58!
I was the old lady people likely didn’t recognize at the reunion.
I got back to the hotel, asked that Husband of mine to unzip me and I wrestled to get out of my girdle. I thought you maybe heard the sigh of freedom way up on Devils Lake!
So many memories danced in my head – and will until we’re reunited at the great, all school reunion in the sky. I heard that by then I won’t have an earthly body to recognize me by – so if anybody would like to attend the bonfire where I burn the girdle please RSVP by Friday!
The Blonde on the Prairie is a lover of ND. She is an author and motivational speaker, owner of “Monkey Balls” food truck and Joyologist to the elderly, the disabled and, now, also to children wherever she is needed during the school year.
