Mixed messages from my window
After the winter that never was (knock on wood), we got a dusting of snow on St. Patrick’s Day. Then, Gus the Wonder Pug’s furious barking alerted me to the giant tractor rolling past our rural abode. Here’s a prayer for timely rains and good prices.
I’ve never understood farmers who vacation in Las Vegas. It seems redundant. Anyway, as a local business, I love seeing our farmers and ranchers buying new equipment and trucks. When they thrive, we all thrive. Especially the hardware stores in the fall when there’s a run on mailboxes thanks to larger combine headers that are now measured in miles.
Liver and onions
The only thing more controversial in these parts other than what the heck are the Minnesota Vikings doing, is liver and onions. You’re either all in or completely repulsed. For you snooty Nordic critics, I have one word for you. Lutefisk.
I get a craving a couple times a year or when I need an organic pesticide to take out the fruit flies. My mom and sister are excellent liver and onioners, but I’m not sure that’s something you want on your resume. But, I don’t think my effort on Saturday brought (any more) shame to the family name. The package was larger than I needed, so Gus enjoyed a couple of upscale meals.
After posting a photo online I received several cooking tips and a three-day suspension from Facebook. I was reminded to give the liver a milk bath and to cook it in bacon grease. Bacon, of course, along with Snickers, is the world’s most perfect food.
The Vikings
OK, what are the Vikings doing? And why are the chronic complainers suddenly upset that whipping boy Kirk Cousins left for Atlanta? Well, the reality is that it’s a business, there’s a salary cap to consider, and Cousins’ agent is an evil genius. Hey, I have no issues with these entertainers getting paid. Their careers are brutish and short. Like my seventh grade girlfriend. Besides, Cousins is a great passer.
Cousins’ newfound popularity may have something to do with the Netflix series “Quarterback.” Other quarterbacks profiled included Patrick Mahomes and Marcus Mariota, but Cousins came off best—eminently likable.
Bottom line, it appears the Vikes are positioning themselves to draft a QB, and there are some pretty good ones available.
Win Twins?
Then, there are the Minnesota Twins. All bullpen and questionable starters. Pitching by committee. Last year, was excruciating even though they won the division and probably will again. They just couldn’t string hits together. Baseball is a funny game that way. They say streaks and momentum aren’t a thing, but anyone who’s played the game doesn’t believe that. You may be the most logical, pragmatic person in the world but if you believe your hitting streak depends on eating at Chick-fil-A before game time, well, some chickens are gonna die.
Baseball is the most optimistic of all the sports. The season opens in the spring, the most optimistic of all the seasons, and even a bad team can stay in the mix through June. Not so much with a really, really, really bad team, though. I grew up loving the Baltimore Orioles—I used to clip the box scores to track the exploits of Brooks Robinson and Boog Powell. In 1988, five years removed from their last World Series win, the team started out 0-21. They were out of it in April.
Back home
If you’ve ever wondered how foreign healthcare compares to ours, my brother Scott can report that Portugal’s medical system is outstanding. The hospital food? Meh. He and his wife Pam recently got back the US after vacation interruptus. Scott had an episode involving a heart murmur that torpedoed the next stage of their trip to Africa and led to open heart surgery in Lisbon.
The doctors didn’t feel good about putting him on a plane home without addressing his condition. So, they had an extended stay. Scott came home with Portuguese pig parts and zipper on his chest. He typically receives care from the VA, but had nothing but good things to say about the Portuguese medical system (except for the food), and Pam was adopted by some of the locals in what otherwise would have been a very lonely “vacation.”
© Tony Bender, 2024
