Weight 4 Me

So I have these random thoughts.  I like to share them. Let's call them theories.

I have a theory that pregancy, birth and childhood are planned by God to most helpful to parents while ensuring the continuation of the species.  Here goes

1.  Getting pregnant is usually fun. So people do it. For fun.

2. Being pregnant starts out fun but by the end you are uncomfortable. You're tired all the time, your feet swell, you can't see your socks, your belly keeps bumping into things and you are really tired of not being able to do the things you like. So you are ready to do just about anything to get this new being out of you. You get up every two or three hours to pee. You can't even look at food without being nauseous. This prepares you for two hour feedings and never eating a hot meal. he extra weight builds your strength for toting around the new 10-20 pounds you have acquired.

3. Babies are cute, cuddly, warm and they smell good. Most of the time. They smile when you talk and cry when you leave.  This is so you will bond with them and not sell them to gypsies when they don't smell good and cry continuously with colic.

4. Toddlers are amazing. They soak up knowledge like a sponge and spout truisms back at you with abandon.  They make you sound like a genius. This is so when they use those 4-letter words in front of Grandma you won't walk away and ask who their parents are.

5. When they get to be about 4. They become more assertive. They start to learn to control their world with opposition and temper. This is so when they start school you don't spend the day considering how lost and lonely you  without them. Their bouts of comedic, musical or intellectual genius keeps us going to school concerts and plays. 

6. They become people and having a conversation is a novel and enlightening experience. Again so when they become teenagers and get their surly on, we resist the urge to call social services make up an offense and turn ourselves in.  The surliness is just a preparation for them reaching the age of majority and moving on with their lives. We can be glad for the silence and calm in our lives for a short while before we miss them terribly and want them to come home.

7. They become people again and in the course of doing so become our friends.  And this my friends is what we wait for. What we spend years and years investing in. To have our children smile at us and say "Thank you."  Then we know we have done it right and the rest is worth it.

People talk about having a "Life Changing Event" like it is a once in a lifetime thing. Everything we do and everything that happens to us changes our lives.  Every decision we make alters our path at least slightly. If I hadn't decided to have meatloaf last night then I wouldn't have gone to the grocery store and I wouldn't have seen the ad for the position at the local school and . . .etc.  Everything we do changes things. Everything.

Some events however make such drastic and sudden changes we are forced to reevaluate our lives. The death of a loved one or a job elimination for instance force us to make decisions that we are perhaps not ready to make. We struggle to make sense of the situation. We are forced to deal with our weaknesses and discover our strengths. We change, adapt to the new reality.

Soccrates said that if you put a man in a cave and he sees and lives nothing else then his reality is the cave and that will never change. There is nothing but the cave. Until the cave changes, someone else enters the cave or he goes outside the cave. Then his whole reality changes.

At one point in my life I lived in a place that flooded.  It was devastating. I volunteered with the Red Cross. I learned about other peoples experiences with flood. I cried. I got mad. I cleaned up the mess. I filed insurance claims. I threw out memories. I knew about floods. My reality was changed and my cave got bigger. I was wiser. Fairly recently, we became residents of an area that deals with flooding constantly.  No problem.  I have been reading about this situation and anyway, I know about floods right?

Wrong. In my reality, the water comes up either fast or more slowly. Roads are impassable. Houses are inundated. Farms are no longer farmable. Town lose their infrastruture. Belongings float. You cry. You stress. You get mad. The water goes down. People come to help. The government steps in. You clean up the mess. You throw out what you must. You replace what you need. Perhaps you sell your home and move somewhere else. You re-evaluate your life and you go on.

This flood is like no other.  It defies the definition really. In this scenario the water comes up. Slowly. An inch or a foot or two at a time. Year after year. Roads are impassable. Houses are inundated. Farms are no longer farmable. Town lose their infrastruture. The water doesn't go down. People cry. People stress. People get mad. The mess won't go away. None comes to help. The government helps but the help runs out.  The things they are throwing away are their livelihoods and their homes. There is no property to sell and move on. Perhaps there is a property but there is no access to it and noone to buy it. They are losing their identities. They are losing their ancestry.  They are losing their choices. Their cave hasn't changed. It has disappeared.  Each time a piece of the cave disappears, an attempt to build a new cave is made.  Then that disappears until the reality is that it doesn't pay to try.  Nothing is real.

I thought I knew floods. I was wrong. My cave is changing because of a life changing event. I knew that moving would change my life but I thought I knew how it would change and what my reality would be. I was wrong and it is changing my life.
 

So my son is moving back to his home town after living 1000 miles away for a year.  I am so glad he will be within an hour of a hug again.  I am also glad that he had this experience.  I believe that living out of reach of your parents and support staff gives you the wings you need to soar in life.  I know it has been that way for him.  He now has the knowledge and confidence to attempt whatever he desires in life.  He hasn't always had that.

He is a person who lives with ADD.  The distracted kind not the hyper kind.  When he was very small the signs were there but it didn't really affect him until middle school when things got complicated.  For a while he really tried all the things we were told would help.  We met eith teachers and devised a plan to make him successful. For awhile he tried. He really did.  But he kept failing. And failing.  And then one day he asked me why it mattered. He knew he was stupid so why try.  Wow. My heart broke. This beautiful child who was quoting Shakespeare at 4 thought he was stupid. I went to school. And I went again.  I begged for a plan that would require compliance from the teachers.  The plan he was on was more of a suggestion. I was told that to get the more meaty plan in place for him, he would need a secondary diagnosis.  He needed to be depressed or autistic or have a defiance disorder.  What? He has to be worse to be able to get better?

All the time I knew that if he could just succeed at one thing he would start trying again.  It didn't happen.  The teachers said he knew what he needed to pass the courses but he wouldn't turn in the homework. Then he found theatre. He was good. Really good. He was free to express himself and nobody judged him.  An alternative school would have served him better perhaps but then there would have been no theatre. His grades were still horrible and his homework was always missing but he was happy. So when the other school was brought up we said no.  Better he has some happiness. Better that he feels worthy.  The other stuff will come, I said. Thr real world doesn't care how you know something only that you do.

It didn't. Not right away.  He finished 4 years of school and didn't graduate.  I wanted him to get his GED.  He wouldn't even talk about it. His girlfriend graduated. Still nothing. Then one day two years later, he came home from work and said "Mom,  if I want to take the tests for my GED, will you loan me the money?"  "Yes! YES! YES!"  He came home from the pre-tests and said "OK I test next week." "WHAT!?  Don't you want to study a little?" But no. He did this his way like everything else he has ever done. Took his tests all at once and attained a GED while scoring in the top 98% of the country. Then he moved away.

So now he is coming home and he is confident and proud and capable of doing whatever he wants.  I am so proud.

The moral of this story is that we did the right thing. We gave him the freedom to discover his own way and we never stopped believing in him.

I don't want to be a grown-up. Grown-ups have to do things. I want to want to do things. I want to eat watermelon down by the lake so the juice doesn't attract flies by the front door.  I want to play in the mud after it rains. I want to swim in the lake in April because my sister bet me I couldn't. I want to look for kittens in hayloft and I want to pick them up for a snuggle forgetting that they aren't tame. I want to know that I can walk from here to the water trough on the fence rail and be really surprised when I can't. I want to know that the grown-ups in my life will always be there to rescue me when I fall. I don't want to be grown-up.

I want to go outside. The days have been so nice that I just want to take the afternoons off and play hooky.  The first days of sunshine and warm are so precious here in the northland.  I hate to miss them while I am sitting at a computer. They make me want to run and that's a miracle.  I don't run. Sometimes I spend large portions of time walking but I don't run. It really doesn't seem fair when the week is nice and then the weekend is crummy.  If this is a joke God, I don't get the punchline. I don't want to be a grown-up. I want to go outside.

I want to watch Leave It To Beaver and The Partridge Family afterschool while I eat warm cookies Mom just took out of the oven. I want to take those cookies to school for my birthday.  I want to sit in my favorite tree and read my new favorite book while my siblings search for me. I want to play hide and seek in the laundry drying on the line. I want to pick and eat too many plums in the orchard out back. I want to be on guard for my sister's practical jokes. I don't want to be a grown-up.

However, I am happy to have all my children in my life. I can't imagine not knowing and loving my husband. I like knowing I am good at my job. I need to have a place I need to be everyday. I like watching muder mysteries on TV. I enjoy baking cookies and doing yardwork. I like to travel and see new things. I am grateful for the friends life has brought me. Maybe I do want to be grown-up.  Sigh.

Today was my youngest's 23rd birthday.  He lives in another state and I won't see him for a few weeks when he moves home.  We will have a party then. It won't have the traditional birthday elements however. He would rather have pie than cake.  Pie of any kind.  Pie at any hour.  Pie in large amounts. When he lived at home we needed at least 2 pies at a time.  1 for him and 1 for the rest of us.  He and his friends celebrate "Piemas" whenever they get together.  So we will have steak and some kind of pie.

Food in our house is non-traditional.  We don't have turkey and dressing at Christmas.  We have Superbowl party food.  That way we can eat whenever we want while we play games and visit.  Sometimes that is good because we don't sit down and stuff ourselves and other times it is not good because we eat all day.  I doubt the tradition will change so I try to add in alot of vegetables and healthy nuts and fruit. It doesn't help the pie days though. 
 

Tonight we went to the Trace Adkins concert at the Chester Fritz Auditorium.  It was wonderful. I saw him a few years ago when I went to a concert to see Neil McCoy and fell in love with him.  He was one of the three headliners that night.  Since then I often find myself singing along to a song I love and realize it is one of his.  The thing that makes him most attractive is that his songs are upbeat, and funny and convey a sense of contentment with his life as it is.  He (according to song anyway) loves his wife as she is, cherishes the moments he has with his children, has a strong patriot soul and enjoys a nice derriere.   All in all it was a great evening.  I am thankful that I was able to be there.

So today my daughter in-law accepted a job in another state.  They will be leaving ND the end of May, taking with them my grandchildren.  I am very happy that she received such a great offer. I am happy that they will have an opportunity for a  great adventure. I am happy.  I am sad that I will not see them as often as I have in the past. I am sad that my grandchildren will grow and change and I won't be there to enjoy it. I am sad. That page is turning. The story goes on. The end is unknown.

On the other hand, my youngest son will be returning to his hometown next month.  I am not sad.  I am happy.  He and his fiance are planning to be married next year. With them coming home, I can share in the excitement of the planning. Being the mother of the groom, I don't have to share the stress. This page will be turning soon also. The outcome of the story is unknown.

The trick to all this is to not eat myself into oblivion. I tend to eat when I am sad.  So for now I will focus on the homecoming and not on the leaving.  I will prepare the welcome and forget about the farewell.  I will cross the bridges as they come. I will not buy trouble. I won't turn the pages until I have read the story contained in them. The outcome is unknown.

They say it is all about the dress.  I don't remember it that way but I guess it is true.

This weekend past we had a "Girl's Weekend". We (my 2 daughters, my daughter in-law, my sister and her daughter, my sister in-law and her daughter and I) spent the weekend shopping for a wedding dress. We were wildly successful and found "The Dress".  We rang the bells and cheered and it was done.

My beautiful daughter is officially getting married and I am deliriously happy and totally sad.  My prayers have been answered and she is marrying a wonderful man who loves her totally.  She is entering a new phase of her life and that always makes me sad. She is my baby. My first baby. It was somehow easier when my son got married.  I was sad but it is not the same somehow. 

I am happy.  I see the beautiful bride she will be and I can't wait. I see the love in her fiance's eyes and I know she will be fine. He fits our family well. At the first diiner he shared with us. We embarressed him and he excused himself. My granddaughter said "Well you've finally done it. You all scared him away."  But he came back and joined the teasing and fun.  He fits. 

The gist of this is that I am motivated again.  I will be thinner for the wedding.  I will be thinner for the wedding. I will be thinner for the wedding.  If  I say it often enough maybe it will be true.

A wise man said to me once "There are no goals too high.  Only time limits too short."  Wow. He was speaking of learning to live again after divorce but it applies here I think.  I entered that quote into the notes on my phone today.  It reminds me that no matter how bad things are going, I need to perservere. I have been having a really hard time sticking to my plan lately. Work has been hectic and I am tired. When I am tired I eat. Unfortunately I don't usually eat healthy things in this instance. What I crave is chocolate and Mountain Dew.

The women in my family are getting together tomorrow and shopping for dresses for the wedding. It is a game frought with pitfalls.  I will need my reminder.  Wish me luck.

What happens when you work and your husband works and your daughter works and everyone is on a different schedule?  How do you plan meals and grocery shop? At least 1 of us works late any given night. That means that anything we prepare needs to be re-heatable. I have discovered that most re-heatable things are not that conducive to weight loss. So what to do? 

We eat alot of yogurt and cottage cheese. I buy the frozen veggies in microwaveable bags. They cost more but they are quick and just the right amount. Baked and/or broiled meats  (mostly chicken or fish) play a prominent part of our diet also.

Snacks are also a problem. With my job, I am never sure when I will be free for lunch and sometimes I don't even think about it until late afternoon. Then I don't want a whole meal because I will have to prepare dinner when I get home. I need something to put in my desk drawer. Somthing that will not spoil or get stale. I like Fiber One products. The taste is good (not fabulous but not bad) and they are low in calories.  I can even get a chocolate fix now and then. The fiber is a definite plus

Then once a week we really cook. We get together with a friend to watch a favorite TV show and share meal responsibilities. It is cook's choice so sometimes we go all out and sometimes it is pizza.  We try not to overindulge but we don't really watch the calories either.

The point to this ramble is that if anyone has any ideas on how to solve the problems mentioned here, please share.  I am looking for a life long solution to my diet and will welcome any suggestions.

Today I was thinking of medications and herbs that claim to help with weight loss. I haven't tried any so far and probably won't as most of them would interfer with my thyroid medication. I  am not sure I believe all the hype anyway.  I just don't think that we can get something for nothing.  It has never worked for me in any other aspect of my life. I know this process will be difficult and long.  Life long. Oh well, anything worth having is worth working for. Right?

  I wish that there was a class or group in town that would help me to set an excercise schedule and stick to it.  Either I am not looking in the right places or there  is nothing here.  Anybody know of anything in Devils Lake?  It needs to be at night and fairly flexible.  My schedule at work varies from week to week so I need options.

I have found that I LOVE dark chocolate covered pomegranite.  Yum!  You can purchase bags of them at Sam's Club.  But if you are serious about weight loss, don't.  They are addictive.  Some people (you know who you are) are disciplined enough to limit their intake but I find that when you mix the chocolately goodness that I love with the tart sweetness of pomegranite. . . .ambrosia. So I can't do that again soon. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  I will try to update my food diary and only eat that which will nourish me and not eat for pleasure.  Well not only for pleasure. Good night.

Actually the title is a misnomer.  I have been trying to lose weight all my adult life. However, today is the first day that I will share with you.

I am hoping this forum will keep me on track and find a group of people that will support and encourage each other to our collective goals.  I am really motivated this time.  That makes this whole thing sound like a done deal but all the same pitfalls are still there and all the little traps that I typically fall into still lie in wait for me. 

I can hear the chips and Mountain Dew whispering to me from across the room. "Come over here for just a minute. You know you want to. We won't hurt you. Not just one little one. You can be good later." 

Today I am home alone and find myself grazing for some kind of goody to assuage my need to snack. It really doesn't matter what I find. I will soon be looking for something else. If I eat something sweet then I will need something salty and vice versa. I eat out of boredom. And nerves and stress and . . .you get the picture.

So here is the plan. I plan to have only healthy things in my home. Fruits, veggies and low fat snacks that won't totally wreck my plan. I also plan to find something to stay busy with.  Fingers Crossed! I will let you know how it goes.

If any of you out there have any tips or recipes that you would like to share, please do so.  I am always looking for new ways to tease my palate into believing that we are eating gourmet and  lots of it. I will share my finds here.

If you have stories that you would like to share, please do that also.  This is the place.