So I went to the doctor yesterday and we talked about my last chemo and all the side effects from it. Unfortunately the numbing in my fingers, toes, and feet was not good. It usually doesn’t happen so fast after treatment, so the chemo drug needs to change. Next week is #6 of 8 treatments. We will change to a different drug that the side effects arn’t as bad. It usually is done every 3 weeks, but we will try every 2 and hope my body will hold up for the remaining treatments. If my blood count drops too low then we will have to go back to the drawing board. I am going to try and stay optimistic and not be negative.
Overall today I have had a lot of mixed feelings. I can see the finish line and it is such a good feeling. I am scared of reoccurance and think somedays I will live in fear for the rest of my life. As bad as I want all this to be over with, I also never want to deal with it again….ever. I’m not sure how realistic that really is. I’m only 32 and hope to have a long healthy life ahead of me. I just worry that the next time I won’t find the lump fast enough, or even worse I won’t find it at all. I guess once someone tells you that you have cancer nothing is really ever the same…I’m feeling that right now. On the flip side, I can’t help but feel overjoyed that with only 3 left this part of my journey is ending.
I have learned so much so far. I have learned who is important in my life, and who isn’t. This is the hardest thing I may deal with in my entire life and I needed to lean on others. I needed help, and couldn’t go through this alone. Some stepped up, and some didn’t. There are the ones that text me or call, or just make sure I’m doing okay and need anything. And the ones that I thought would text and check in on me…and they never did. I know now more than ever who is a true friend in my life, and who isn’t. When it comes to family, I feel like we have never been closer. My parents and my husband are my rock on a daily basis. My brothers and I became closer, my church family, and preschool family, my inlaws, and so on. This has been a very long process since January. Some have stuck around, and some haven’t. My heart is over joyed with the love I have felt. I could never thank everyone enough.